Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
