I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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