we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
