Quick, to the slutcave!
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
This can only be settled by a dance off.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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