is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
