Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
