she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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