Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
