Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
