return my video game
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
