3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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