Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
