so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Lo siento on account of my penis...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
