i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
