My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize