I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
