The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
