i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
