The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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