i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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