It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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