"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
