Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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