At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
