Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
