Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
