i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
