They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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