I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
