Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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