I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
