8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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