I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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