Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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