mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
