Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
