exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
