My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
