So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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