I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
