is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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