so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
