i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
