all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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