i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
