the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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