dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
