My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
