i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
