I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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