he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
