If that was your dad, he is hot
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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