During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm like, not good at living.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
