I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
