Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Dick very happy bro
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
