I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
