Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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