Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize