Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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