You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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