WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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