dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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