just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
