craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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