I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
