That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
