Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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