she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
