I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Drunk is not a location!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
