You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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