omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
