it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
