am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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